


Li(f)e

by Lokisgame



Series: Between Life And Death [1]
Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s04e23 Demons, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-29 10:48:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15727866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lokisgame/pseuds/Lokisgame
Summary: "Why did you do this," she said into the darkness, feeling the powerlessness and dread crash against her conscience.





	Li(f)e

Somehow, she managed to make the cops release Mulder to her care and refusing to leave him alone for even a second, they stayed at the house, demons of his past be damned. Skinner who was aware, showed heart, ordered the people out and left them alone, taking Scully's grateful glance for reassurance enough.  
Once alone, Scully pulled the plastic cover of the nearest couch and moved Mulder to it, sitting with him, doing not much more than stroke his brow.  
"Why did you do this," she said into the darkness, feeling the powerlessness and dread crash against her conscience, "Mulder, you need to live."  
"I..." he choked, his head pounding, "I'm not sure I want to."  
"Don't you dare," anger flashed white hot and the fingers in his hair tugged a bit sharper than her usual caress, "don't you fucking dare to say something like that."  
He rolled to his side, head in her lap. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he whispered and she felt him shudder, staccato of silent sobs, driving nails through her heart, sharper than all the needles and drugs she pointed at her illness. She folded herself around him and kissed his cheek, cradling him against her body, "Mulder, you can do this, and you will do this, with or without me."  
"I can't," he sobbed, a wailing sob of a child breaking under too much pain laid on his shoulders, "what's the point, all I do is hurt people around me. You, my family, for what? She's not coming back."  
Tears pooled in her eyes and spilled over, silent echo of his pain.  
"The truth, Mulder," she said softly, "you need to bring it to light. Tell the story of Samantha, of me, of all the victims. We need you, we need someone to stand up for us, to be our strength, to believe." Her voice broke on the last word, and she drew him closer, whispering for his ears only, "I need you to belive in me, I need the strength of your beliefs."  
Laying down next to him, still cradling him in her arms, they shared the warmth of live bodies. So many years she denyed herself this, thought she had time, all life in front of her. But then she met this man, this one soul, and she never knew until it was too late. She thought love comes like lightning, bright flash of realization setting heart on fire, but she was wrong. Love was a burning amber, a low glow hidden in ashes in a basement furnace, feeding on scraps of paper and trash others discarded. Mulder was love, his fight was love, memory living on, through him, in him. He never let go of his sister and she knew, he'd sooner die than let her go, because that was what he did, he wanted to beat her to it, and that hurt her more than anything.  
"You can't do this," she said, soft strands slipping through her fingers as she stroked his hair. "I'm not going anywhere." She lied. She lied and didn't regret a word she said, if it saved his life, she would lie, even to him, "I'm not giving up so you can't either."  
His shaking subsided, holding on to her, giving in to her touch that spoke louder than words. He felt her, she was, and he couldn't argue with that.  
"I thought," he breathed, snuggling closer, penny, pound, "that if I found the men who did this to Sam..."  
"You could find the men who did this to me," she finished for him, and he nodded meekly.  
"If you'd never met me, none of this would ever happen," he said, but she spoke before he could say anything else.  
"I would never have found a true friend, a good, honest man," she said softly, stroking his back, "a crazy guy with a passionate heart." She added, a little brighter, remembering the times their work filled her with wonder. "I'd never see the things I saw, learn the things I learned, meet the people I met," she folded herself closer around him, if she could, she would melt their bodies together because that's how much they needed each other. "I chose this life, Mulder, you didn't do this to me, none of it."  
He didn't argue, he didn't have the strength for it anymore.  
"We do what best we can, with the time that's given to us," she said, hooking one leg around him, as much of a hug as she could possibly manage in the cramped space of the old, worn down couch, "my time was well spent, so far."  
"Can you stop?" He said, drawing her closer, finally reaching out.  
"What?"  
"Trying to make me feel better." He said against her chest, twining his legs with hers. "I can't, I'll never be okay. If you're gone, nothing will be okay, ever again."  
And this time, she couldn't argue with the finally of that, he was right, just as she was. It wasn't his fault, it wasn't right, she would die and anything short of a miracle couldn't change that.  
"Can we just have now, for now?" Mulder asked, relaxing into her arms, giving up the fight. "I'm tired of the future and the past," he stroked her back, a tender caress, loving hands.  
"Yeah," she smiled, kissing the top of his head, taking the small ceasefire in the war of guilt that raged inside them, "will you try to sleep?"  
"No," he breathed, nuzzling her skin, neither his or her hands ever stopping on the slow paths, "I want to remember this, is that okay?"  
"Yeah."  
Scully smiled and held him, stroking his hair and back, shifting when he moved, dropping a kiss when he squeezed her tighter every once in a while. She knew he was working through things inside his mind, making peace with whatever she said and whatever he felt in his heart. She knew that she couldn't change the future or the past, but whatever she had or was now, she was a woman, holding her man in her arms.


End file.
